This is what slower feels like

It's a time of involuntary rest here at S.R.S.

There was no running of the Great Pumpkin Challenge Saturday, and I won't be participating in the Hairy Gorilla Half Marathon/Squirrelly 6-miler next weekend either.

Somehow, between running a great, hard race last Sunday morning over the cross country trails and going out for a recovery run Monday evening, my left knee has become injured. I think it's a joint problem. The knee cap aches if I put even slightly more weight then regular walking on it -- say, if I'm walking down stairs or moving quickly to get in or out of the car.

Running is nearly impossible. Both times I went out this last week, I walked outside into the cold filled with energy and excitement.  As I start to warm up my legs, my lungs decide they want to go along for the ride too. I am smiling into the air, so grateful and joyed to own this one simple thing, the ability to move myself forward into space. "This is going to be a great run. I can feel it," I think.

I hardly go 3/4 of a mile on an 11-minute pace before the knee pain flares up. When I try to push through it, I begin to feel nauseous, so I walk and then start jogging again. The mysterious pain returns like a nag, getting worse with every step.

There are some frustrating moments when the pain, combined with fears of not being able to race or even get myself home from this brief outing bring me to tears in the middle of the street. Passing motorists see me clutching my knee and cursing out all that is weak within me, right there at the intersection. I give up and gingerly slog the rest of the way home, or call for a ride. I feel such loss. The other day I ran an 8-minute mile with a pack of all sorts of beautiful people in the brilliant sunlight.  Now I am limping alone through the dark.

What seems like a host of other life happenings, in addition to this ill-timed injury, converged toward the end of this week and threw me into an emotional tailspin. Here's hoping that some rest and QT with family this week will help me get back on track.